Things that I Learned

Luckily for me, its not too late to realize the things that I learned from my past experiences...I'll share this article to you..which I got from my favorite blogsite. Enjoy and read on..

Sometimes I wish that I had known some of things I have learned over the last few years a bit earlier. That perhaps there had been a self-improvement class in school. And in some ways there probably was.

Because some of these 16 things in this article a teacher probably spoke about in class. But I forgot about them or didn’t pay attention.

Some of it would probably not have stuck in my mind anyway. Or just been too far outside my reality at the time for me to accept and use.

But I still think that taking a few hours from all those Mathematics classes and use them for some personal development classes would have been a good idea. Perhaps for just an hour a week in high school. It would probably be useful for many students and on a larger scale quite helpful for society in general.

So here are 16 things I wish they had taught me in school (or I just would like to have known about earlier).

1. The 80/20 rule.

This is one of the best ways to make better use of your time. The 80/20 rule – also known as The Pareto Principle – basically says that 80 percent of the value you will receive will come from 20 percent of your activities.

So a lot of what you do is probably not as useful or even necessary to do as you may think.

You can just drop – or vastly decrease the time you spend on – a whole bunch of things.

And if you do that you will have more time and energy to spend on those things that really brings your value, happiness, fulfilment and so on.

2. Parkinson’s Law.

You can do things quicker than you think. This law says that a task will expand in time and seeming complexity depending on the time you set aside for it. For instance, if you say to yourself that you’ll come up with a solution within a week then the problem will seem to grow more difficult and you’ll spend more and more time trying to come up with a solution.

So focus your time on finding solutions. Then just give yourself an hour (instead of the whole day) or the day (instead of the whole week) to solve the problem. This will force your mind to focus on solutions and action.

The result may not be exactly as perfect as if you had spent a week on the task, but as mentioned in the previous point, 80 percent of the value will come from 20 percent of the activities anyway. Or you may wind up with a better result because you haven’t overcomplicated or overpolished things. This will help you to get things done faster, to improve your ability to focus and give you more free time where you can totally focus on what’s in front of you instead of having some looming task creating stress in the back of your mind.

3. Batching.

Boring or routine tasks can create a lot of procrastination and low-level anxiety. One good way to get these things done quickly is to batch them. This means that you do them all in row. You will be able to do them quicker because there is less “start-up time” compared to if you spread them out. And when you are batching you become fully engaged in the tasks and more focused.

A batch of things to do in an hour today may look like this: Clean your desk / answer today’s emails / do the dishes / make three calls / write a grocery shopping list for tomorrow.

4. First, give value. Then, get value. Not the other way around.

This is a bit of a counter-intuitive thing. There is often an idea that someone should give us something or do something for us before we give back. The problem is just that a lot of people think that way. And so far less than possible is given either way.

If you want to increase the value you receive (money, love, kindness, opportunities etc.) you have to increase the value you give. Because over time you pretty much get what you give. It would perhaps be nice to get something for nothing. But that seldom happens.

5. Be proactive. Not reactive.

This one ties into the last point. If everyone is reactive then very little will get done. You could sit and wait and hope for someone else to do something. And that happens pretty often, but it can take a lot of time before it happens.

A more useful and beneficial way is to be proactive, to simply be the one to take the first practical action and get the ball rolling. This not only saves you a lot of waiting, but is also more pleasurable since you feel like you have the power over your life. Instead of feeling like you are run by a bunch of random outside forces.

6. Mistakes and failures are good.

When you are young you just try things and fail until you learn. As you grow a bit older, you learn from - for example - school to not make mistakes. And you try less and less things.

This may cause you to stop being proactive and to fall into a habit of being reactive, of waiting for someone else to do something. I mean, what if you actually tried something and failed? Perhaps people would laugh at you?

Perhaps they would. But when you experience that you soon realize that it is seldom the end of the world. And a lot of the time people don’t care that much. They have their own challenges and lives to worry about.

And success in life often comes from not giving up despite mistakes and failure. It comes from being persistent.

When you first learn to ride your bike you may fall over and over. Bruise a knee and cry a bit. But you get up, brush yourself off and get on the saddle again. And eventually you learn how to ride a bike. If you can just reconnect to your 5 year old self and do things that way - instead of giving up after a try/failure or two as grown-ups often do – you would probably experience a lot more interesting things, learn valuable lessons and have quite a bit more success.

7. Don’t beat yourself up.

Why do people give up after just few mistakes or failures? Well, I think one big reason is because they beat themselves up way too much. But it’s a kinda pointless habit. It only creates additional and unnecessary pain inside you and wastes your precious time. It’s best to try to drop this habit as much as you can.

8. Assume rapport.

Meeting new people is fun. But it can also induce nervousness. We all want to make a good first impression and not get stuck in an awkward conversation.

The best way to do this that I have found so far is to assume rapport. This means that you simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends. Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.

This works surprisingly well. You can read more about it in How to Have Less Awkward Conversations: Assuming Rapport.

9. Use your reticular activation system to your advantage.

I learned about the organs and the inner workings of the body in class but nobody told me about the reticular activation system. And that’s a shame, because this is one of the most powerful things you can learn about. What this focus system, this R.A.S, in your mind does is to allow you to see in your surroundings what you focus your thoughts on. It pretty much always helps you to find what you are looking for.

So you really need to focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. And keep that focus steady.

Setting goals and reviewing them frequently is one way to keep your focus on what’s important and to help you take action that will move your closer to toward where you want to go. Another way is just to use external reminders such as pieces of paper where you can, for instance, write down a few things from this post like “Give value” or “Assume rapport”. And then you can put those pieces of paper on your fridge, bathroom mirror etc.

10. Your attitude changes your reality.

We have all heard that you should keep a positive attitude or perhaps that “you need to change your attitude!”. That is a nice piece of advice I suppose, but without any more reasons to do it is very easy to just brush such suggestions off and continue using your old attitude.

But the thing that I’ve discovered the last few years is that if you change your attitude, you actually change your reality. When you for instance use a positive attitude instead of a negative one you start to see things and viewpoints that were invisible to you before. You may think to yourself “why haven’t I thought about things this way before?”.

When you change your attitude you change what you focus on. And all things in your world can now be seen in a different light.

This is of course very similar to the previous tip but I wanted to give this one some space. Because changing your attitude can create an insane change in your world. It might not look like it if you just think about it though. Pessimism might seem like realism. But that is mostly because your R.A.S is tuned into seeing all the negative things you want to see. And that makes you “right” a lot of the time. And perhaps that is what you want. On the other hand, there are more fun things than being right all the time.

If you try changing your attitude for real – instead of analysing such a concept in your mind - you’ll be surprised.

You may want to read more about this topic in Take the Positivity Challenge!

11. Gratitude is a simple way to make yourself feel happy.

Sure, I was probably told that I should be grateful. Perhaps because it was the right thing to do or just something I should do. But if someone had said that feeling grateful about things for minute or two is a great way to turn a negative mood into a happy one I would probably have practised gratitude more. It is also a good tool for keeping your attitude up and focusing on the right things. And to make other people happy. Which tends to make you even happier, since emotions are contagious.

12. Don’t compare yourself to others.

The ego wants to compare. It wants to find reasons for you to feel good about yourself (“I’ve got a new bike!”). But by doing that it also becomes very hard to not compare yourself to others who have more than you (“Oh no, Bill has bought an even nicer bike!”). And so you don’t feel so good about yourself once again. If you compare yourself to others you let the world around control how you feel about yourself. It always becomes a rollercoaster of emotions.

A more useful way is to compare yourself to yourself. To look at how far you have come, what you have accomplished and how you have grown. It may not sound like that much fun but in the long run it brings a lot more inner stillness, personal power and positive feelings.

13. 80-90% of what you fear will happen never really come into reality.

This is a big one. Most things you fear will happen never happen. They are just monsters in your own mind. And if they happen then they will most often not be as painful or bad as you expected. Worrying is most often just a waste of time.

This is of course easy to say. But if you remind yourself of how little of what you feared throughout your life that has actually happened you can start to release more and more of that worry from your thoughts.

14. Don’t take things too seriously.

It’s very easy to get wrapped up in things. But most of the things you worry about never come into reality. And what may seem like a big problem right now you may not even remember in three years.

Taking yourself, your thoughts and your emotions too seriously often just seems to lead to more unnecessary suffering. So relax a little more and lighten up a bit. It can do wonders for your mood and as an extension of that; your life.

15. Write everything down.

If your memory is anything like mine then it’s like a leaking bucket. Many of your good or great ideas may be lost forever if you don’t make a habit of writing things down. This is also a good way to keep your focus on what you want. Read more about it in Why You Should Write Things Down.

16. There are opportunities in just about every experience.

In pretty much any experience there are always things that you can learn from it and things within the experience that can help you to grow. Negative experiences, mistakes and failure can sometimes be even better than a success because it teaches you something totally new, something that another success could never teach you.

Whenever you have a “negative experience” ask yourself: where is the opportunity in this? What is good about this situation? One negative experience can – with time – help you create many very positive experiences.

12 laws that Im living with..its my secret weapon..

12 Laws of Life

1. SELF-MANAGEMENT AND PEOPLE SKILLS ARE THE KEYS TO YOUR SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS.

This is a MAJOR fact of life. And it took me a long time to get this. If you want to be smarter than me you’ll give this first principle serious consideration. Your skill level in these two areas will determine the quality of your whole life. Every champion and high achiever knows this. These simple skills are the clear difference between winners in life, and losers.

If you learn to manage yourself you can accomplish anything you can dream up. You can deal with negative experiences wisely and you can add skills as you need them. You can become unstoppable. Self management puts you on the launching pad to all the success you desire.

Most people limit themselves by their unwillingness to consider personal change. They won’t learn new things and they won’t change their behaviors even when they discover they’ve been wrong.

The funny thing is, self-change is EASY. You are the one person that you can get to anytime you want. You don’t need permission or an appointment, and no one can stop you from learning and changing whenever you decide to. The only obstacle is you! Self-management is actually the first step to building people skills. Once you commit to changing yourself into who you can be, you will notice the people around you in a different way. Now you see them as fellow beings with their own fears and drives. And they will see you with new respect and attractiveness. You are surrounded by people who can help or harm you, based on how you treat them. Learning how people work is a skill, just like learning how you work. These people can multiply your efforts and supercharge your success It takes leadership and persuasion skills - people skills. People skills are like a booster rocket propelling you to your dreams. And the process of succeeding with others can be learned just like you learn to make toast. If you follow directions and practice, you can develop the skills that will make you very happy and prosperous.

2. YOU ARE AT THE CENTER OF YOUR UNIVERSE. STAY THERE!

As a young sailor I learned the hard way that when I was in a foreign port I needed to take my corners wide and keep my hands out of my pockets. In other words, I had to stay balanced, alert and ready to react to surprises. I’ve found that a lot of life’s situations are like “foreign ports.” They range from the bedroom to the boardroom, and you will encounter them throughout your life.

Keep your balance. Stay centered. Expect surprises.

Being centered has two sides; inner and outer.

Begin within.

Inner centeredness comes first; look there for your best self. It is how you will find peace of mind. There is a place in you that’s connected to something beyond you. Spending time there will keep your mind clear and your spirit refreshed. That “doorway” is your center.

Until you’re connected to your core you won’t be very good at handling the rest of the world. Few people really get this. It is the single most important and least understood fact of life Your center is easy to find. Every spiritual tradition in history teaches prayer and meditation - it’s the most important thing you can do for the quality of your life. Just take a little break a couple of times a day, and learn to be still and RELAX. If you give yourself this little time each day you will become calmer, stronger and your physical and mental health will improve. You will begin to focus more on what you think of yourself than what others may think of you.

For outer centeredness, you need to gain awareness of your personal boundaries. This is critical. Pay close attention to where you stop and others start. Protect your personal prerogatives and respect those of others. Allowing others to invade your boundaries will destroy your personal freedom and subject you to their tyranny.

If you cross the boundaries of others you become codependent with them, caring more about how they live their lives than how you live yours. You can care about others without having to run their lives. Let them go and feel the relief, once you get used to living only your own life.

3. WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST IS WHAT YOU GET.

There is a Law of Attraction in human nature. What is in your mind is reflected “out there,” in what you experience as your reality.

Afraid? Then all the goblins that you fear will be attracted to you. The only useful purpose of fear is to remind you to plan. Plan so that you protect yourself from harm, but don’t become timid. If you play it TOO safe you’ll freeze in place and trade your life away for nothing.

Angry? Then you’ll get a lot of angry people to tussle with. Your life will fill up with honking horns and people pushing you around, and you’ll spend all your time pushing back.

It’s a good idea to choose your habitual thought patterns carefully. Love, optimism and gratitude are good choices. These states of mind inspire you to explore, to create, to grow and to give. People and opportunities will become attracted to you. And the goblins and angry people will get smaller and less important, and finally they’ll fade and go away.

The point of choice comes up when you have to deal with a challenging situation. Do you call it a “bad break” - some S.O.B. was out to get you? Or was it just something that happened, leaving it up to you to interpret in the most nourishing way? You might as well be positive. Bottom line - it works better. It makes you easier to be around and more creative and good-natured. And your immune system will be strengthened.

Events are just events until our thoughts and reactions turn them into experience. What the experience means, how useful it might be, those are the choices that we make -they’re the stories we tell ourselves about our lives.

We’re taught that it’s not ‘reasonable’ to expect to win all the time. Nonsense! That kind of thinking numbs ambition and smothers greatness. Even worse it leads to reasonable excuses. Excuses don’t accomplish anything so do NOT be reasonable. Actually, achieving the impossible is quite normal - you’ve done it thousands of times. EVERYTHING you do now was impossible for you before you did it the first time, from feeding yourself to balancing your checkbook.

Try this for a week. Focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want. Practice the skills of optimism, gratitude, generosity and forgiveness and your life will expand.

Yes, that’s right. PRACTICE.

Good attitudes are skills that you develop through repetition, just like swimming or math. And skills become second nature through practice. You will become stronger and more relaxed when you decide that you might as well thrive. Your commitment to expectancy is another skill, and it’s decisive and magnetic. It attracts luck and creates focus. People and opportunities will be drawn to you. Life starts to get easier. And more fun.

Go ahead and test it. What have you got to lose? The only way you can fail at anything is to quit trying!

4. YOU MAKE YOUR HABITS AND THEN YOUR HABITS MAKE YOU.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “As you sow, so shall you reap.” It means that our lives are created by what we do, not by what we intend. It means that we can harvest only what we plant. And every day you’re planting something, so choose wisely.

The biggest and most important influences in your life are created by small daily acts. For example - Meditate, Study, Set Goals, Save Money, Exercise, Floss, Smile, and Say Thank You.

When you do the right thing at the right time it makes more difference than if you make a big dramatic effort too late. Cramming may work in school, but not in real life. The school term is over in a few months; life lasts longer. Days turn into years and those years become your life.

The most important qualities in life - Spirituality, Health, Relationships, Wealth, and Your Personal Character - are developed by regular acts done on a daily basis. They’re called “practices.”

Daily practices - done on schedule. What? Just “can’t do anything on a schedule?” Baloney. You can do anything you want on a schedule, unless you’ve never gotten to a plane on time. It’s a matter of priorities. And your priorities create your quality of life. Choose the practices of your life as if you were a farmer. You can’t skip spring planting if you want a fall harvest. Master this principle and you will live your life to its fullest. Changing your life doesn’t take a lot of work - just repeat a single positive act daily for three weeks and it will become a habit. Good. Now add another one. Then another one. The force of good habits will automatically generate power and “good luck,” and your life will blossom.

5. GUILT ENSLAVES YOU. RESPONSIBILITY LIBERATES YOU.

Here’s a secret about “Original sin”. It’s guilt, and you get it from your parents.

Are you self-conscious? Most people are. They’re worried that they’re “unzipped.” They’re walking around thinking that people will notice their missing button, their bad hairdo, their poor credit and personal shortcomings. These feelings are universal - we all got them while we were being taught how to behave as infants (”No!” “Bad!” “Don’t!”).

When we become adults we are supposed to leave these feelings of inadequacy in childhood where they were needed.

The way to do this is to forgive your parents for their shortcomings, whether they were minor or major. And then forgive yourself for all your sins, real and imagined. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you think what happened was okay. It just means that you free yourself from the work of remembering it and getting mad at people that are not even around anymore. Including the younger “you.” You MUST do this if you want to be free.

6. “OBLIGATIONS” ARE A FRAUD.

Okay, take a deep breath here. This one gets a lot of people, because most of us have been brainwashed all of our lives to believe a huge lie. We’ve all been taught that we “owe” other people all sorts of obligations, and that we should expect lots of things from them in return.

That idea, in one word, is bullshit.

We waste an incredible amount of time either doing things we don’t want and don’t have to do, or feeling guilty because we didn’t do something we “should” have done. We also waste a lot of time and emotion being disappointed when we don’t get what we expect from others.

Freedom lies in the other direction.

The truth is, you don’t owe anyone anything and they don’t owe anything to you. This is all part of the “guilt” thing. It’s good for us to give to others, but ONLY when and how we choose.

The difference between free people who master their lives and those who are slaves is easy to spot.

Who sets their priorities?

Free people set their own priorities, while “slaves” allow them to be set by outsiders.

Your life belongs to you and you alone - and not anyone else. Want a formula for unhappiness? Make your welfare dependent upon someone else’s choices. Do you need “support” from those you love? Or approval from a parent or friend? Or permission from anybody to pursue your own path?

That’s not living - that’s slavery!

Don’t look to anyone else for your success or happiness. That’s your job and yours alone. You must tend to your own welfare. No one else will, nor should they.

7. EXPECT LESS FROM OTHERS AND MORE FROM YOURSELF.

Most people expect way too much from others while they themselves actually get very little done. Inertia and distraction are insidious and damn near universal - expect it in others but guard against it in your own behavior.

Everyone listens to his or her favorite mental radio station - W.I.I.F.M., which stands for, “What’s In It For Me?” So don’t take it personally when you’re overlooked, your call goes un-returned, and you go un-thanked.

Most of your fellow humans are so distracted and disorganized that they only get around to the most essential, familiar or urgent things in their lives. They’re on “autopilot” most of the time - aren’t we all on occasion?

This self-interest is natural and healthy. Use this knowledge of other’s desires in your plans and proposals.

Here’s the big principle. If you want something to happen, take control and do it yourself. Don’t get bitter if perhaps someone else didn’t keep a commitment to help you.

It is a waste of time to criticize others, and a bigger waste to pay attention to anyone’s criticism of you. Just know that you can get better at doing things on your own. It’s a LOT easier than trying to get someone else to change.

8. NOBODY WAKES UP IN THE MORNING CHOOSING TO BE THE VILLAIN.

Everyone alive thinks that they’re the “good guy.” He or she is the hero in their version of the story. They have a reason for what they do - even if it’s impractical or unworkable or has evil consequences.

People who are troublesome aren’t worth changing. Don’t even waste time complaining about them.

If someone hurts you, it’s not about you and you shouldn’t act like it was. People do what they do because of their own inner reality. Learn what you can do differently the next time, then forgive them and move on.

Really. Forgive them completely. And then, figure out how to manage, tolerate or avoid them in the future.

By the way, forgiving doesn’t mean that you think whatever they did is okay. It’s NOT okay. But here’s the thing - if you don’t forgive someone you can’t ever let it go. Then you have to go around with this burden of anger and sourness. Wasn’t the original hurt enough for you? Why would you want to preserve it and remember it? Or them?

Carrying grudges ties up brain cells that you could use to make life sweeter for yourself and those you love. So, after you forgive them, forgive yourself for getting hurt - and then LET IT GO!

9. THERE IS NO “HAPPILY EVER AFTER” IN THE REAL WORLD.

Friends and mates may change or leave, luck comes and goes, and there are no guarantees. The only certainty is that someday your life will be over, and only you can decide how it will be lived. If you want a happy ending you need to create it. Think about it. When would “Happily Ever After” start?

After you win the lottery? - Most lottery winners are broke within three years.

When the wedding bells ring? - Over half of all marriages fail.

When you retire? - 95% of those over 65 live from check to check.

Stories have to have happy endings, because the story ends before their characters do.

Real life is different. You’re going to live until you die, so you need to have a plan for every day of it.

Choose your goals, write them down, and track them daily. Your life will happen by accident unless you have a plan for it. Either way things will happen to you. On every day of your life, after every climax, every tragedy and every triumph, the sun will rise again.

You get a new day every morning of your life. And as long as you’re alive you’ll have to prepare for that next day and the one after that.

So respect reality.

Think as if you have a future, because that’s where you’re going to spend the rest of your life.

10. THERE IS A HELL, AND IT STARTS EARLY.

People create their own personal hell with moral shortcuts, regrets about lost opportunities, resentment, and guilt. Then they add jealousy and envy, and they’ve paid the toll to enter Hell’s suburbs.

What toll do they pay? They give up their peace of mind, and sometimes their self respect.

They trade it for short-term pleasure.

Those who avoid doing anything that requires effort - physical exercise or forgiving or doing something for someone else - grow more narrow and less flexible day by day. Stunted ambition strangles their dreams and their enthusiasm dies. By the time they enter “downtown Hell” they’ve got a bad attitude about most things in life. They complain and criticize because “life has let them down.” The truth is life didn’t let them down - they quit trying.

Pretty soon their immune system gets the message and then their physical afflictions begin - their relationships are desolate and life becomes an ordeal. They start looking and acting older than they really are.

When these people look ahead, the future looks just like the past. Stretching on and on, day after unhappy day.

And that is truly Hell.

11. YOU CAN CREATE PARADISE ON EARTH. MANY PEOPLE DO.

You can make your life sweeter bit by bit. It doesn’t take much, just some daily practice.

Spend some time in solitude each day renewing your peace of mind. Invest in good memories by managing your behavior so that you enjoy looking back on your life.

You create your Heaven by small acts of generosity to others, making them smile and feel better.

You create it by little acts of courage - doing the right thing when no one but you will ever know you did it.

By making promises to yourself and keeping them, which builds your self-respect. You create it by telling the truth even if it’s inconvenient or embarrassing. It makes you careful about what you do, or what you commit to doing. And that brings credibility and trust. And most important, you will know you’re liked for who you are instead of for some lie you’re living.

You’re in Heaven’s neighborhood when you notice the amazing number of things in life there are to be grateful for, especially as your gratitude becomes a constant part of your being.

Humans are the most flexible beings on this planet, and you build Heaven by stretching sometimes to try something new or a little scary.

Your reward is learning that you are more than you thought.

And you can always stretch more.

As you become older your personal Heaven becomes a bigger influence on those around you. Your life will expand faster than your physical abilities contract. You will laugh a lot more than most people, and enjoy more contentment and peace than you ever thought possible. And it just keeps getting better and better. If you choose to follow this path, you’ll be in Paradise long before you leave this life.

12. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE.

Everyone alive gets the same amount of time. 1440 minutes a day. 168 hours in each week. As long as you live. The only difference is in how you spend those hours. You decide how to spend your time and you make that choice each minute.

You can begin to turn your life around in a second.

The only thing you need to do is decide to make it better. You can start to change immediately, beginning with a simple act and letting the acts pile up on each other, creating the change almost effortlessly.

You know the scriptural quote, “By their deeds you shall know them?” It was talking about us. It doesn’t really matter much what we think or what we intend, until the thought is expressed as action.

The quality of our lives comes from what we actually do.

Experience comes in moments - and the moments will keep coming for you until they finally stop. Each moment is a gift, and the chance to make your life different comes to you during each one of them.

Each of these “Facts” boils down to a single principle.

Decide

You can decide how your life will go during any moment you choose. This may be that moment.

It’s okay to dream big. Where do you want to go from here? How do you want your next moments to be? It’s up to you.